Monday, January 01, 2007

Eat It

Before I rant...this blog seems soooo empty! No comments, no new posts. I'm still getting all my info changed with BE, and Blogrolling, and blah blah blah. So, still bare with me...if you know me, you know these renovations could take the estimated half life of diamond.

Ok, so the rant. Diet commercials. You've seen them. The girl comes on and says, "Oooooh look at my sleek new physique! I just took Super-Wonder-Sleep-Off-Lard, and now I'm a size 2. I used to be the size of a Cadillac Caterra, but now with the help of THIS I can fit into a cheerio!" I swear to cheese, I can't turn on my brain numbing daytime TV (Dr. Keith Ablow. Shaddup) without seeing some vapid twit imploring to me the miracle drug she's just discovered. How, with the miracle of science (and crack) she fell asleep one night and woke up the next morning, svelte and trim, and having to fend off all the hungry mens humping her leg. Can you tell these commercials piss me off?

The one in question that is particularlly chapping my hide says something like "burn fat while you sleep" and the lady appears in the "after" shot in this pink bikini doing this Kirstie Alley on Oprah spin. Ummmm...yeah, K. I have a newsflash for you Kirstie Alley Spinny Girl your body does that for you already! WEEEE! We sleep...while we burn fat. Everybody does it! YAY for science! This isn't some major scientific breakthrough that only occurs with Super-Wonder-Sleep-Off-Lard pill...sure some people burn fat like CoKate Moss and some like Britney Skankyho after a Cheeto/Red Bull other words some people gotta work harder than others...but all of our bodies burn fat while we sleep. If all it took to look supermodel skinny was to take the Super-Wonder-Sleep-Off-Lard pill and take a nap we'd all be making the Gia dollars in Milan and Paris. But then Gia became a heroin addict, carried a switchblade to fend off other models, and died a horrible tragic AIDS death. And really, who needs all THAT drama, but I digress (as usual)...

I'm sure there are people who just lurve the gym...of course these people should be avoided like the plague. I can't do gyms...all those secondary sweat laden machines, and rancid disinfectant smelling people that run around with towells over one shoulder and tell me to "Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush IT"....the last person that told me that, took a human from my innerds. What I'm saying here is that there is no easy way to loose wonder pill, no wake up and look like Claudia Schiffer miracle cure to being addicted to Twinkies. And with the New Year fresh upon us, and weight loss being the number one resolution every year, these kind of things piss me off. Get a clue Barbie. Sweat it off like the rest of us.

Except for me of resolution this year is to eat as much cholestoral as possible and see if I can get all my arteries to implode at once....then I'm gonna get Diane Sawyer to interview me afterwards. I'll say I did it all for the children in Malawi.

Happy 2007 to all!

Rhythm Syndicate - P.A.S.S.I.O.N

28 | Mom of two girls (12 & 9) |
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Sarcastic | Pissed Off | Native Oregonian |
Salty | Sweet | Chewy Nougat Center |

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