Tuesday, June 01, 2004

About Schmidt...

So late last night after a long attempt at sleep, I finally cozied up in bed with my pj's on, my teddy bear in my lap (shaddup), my covers pulled up high, and decided to get a movie On Demand. That being said I wanted something more on the dramatic side, seeing as I was pissy from the lack of sleep and was in no mood for laughter. I see About Schmidt listed, and think to myself, "Self, this is a good choice, Nicholson, Bates, how could we go wrong?" I later choked and regurgitated my words.
This was hands down one of the most boring flicks I've seen in the last year. WTF were these people doing?!?!?! By the end of the movie I was thinking, "Why did I watch this movie again?" Then I proceeded to kick my own ass for believing the reviews and getting the movie on merit. I should have learned after 'The Life of David Gale' got horrible reviews, and that was one of the most moving flicks I've seen to date...oh yeah Fuck you, Ebert.
First we'll start with the actress who portrayed Schmidt's daughter...played by Hope Davis. I don't remember if there has been a more contrite, masogonistic waste of space whore, as the character she portrayed, Jeannie Schmidt. Bitch doesn't even begin to describe 'Jeannie'. There is one scene in particular ~SPOILER ALERT~ where Schmidt is on the road, driving to see Jeannie for her wedding....roadtripping it from Omaha to Denver. He plans to surprise her, and calls her halfway through to let her know he's on the way, and she responds with a hearty FUCK NO...well ok she said something to the effect of...."ummmm uhhhhhh ummmmmm not such a good plan, pa." GAHHHH! At this point in the movie I was wishing my T. Bear was made of lead so I could crash it through the TV screen and obliterate this whiney cunt.
Moving on to Kathy Bates. By far, she was the ONE redeeming factor in this flick for me. She was crass, and rude, and I lovied her! Her character Roberta was the mother of Schmidt's future son-in-law. I really have nothing bad to say bout her performance, and I give Ms. Bates serious props for dropping trou and showing the world her naughty bits. I love me a ballsy chica!
Schmidt. Warren Schmidt. UGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGHG!!!! Let me preface this rant by saying that Jack Nicholson is one of my fave actors...he's brilliant in my opinion, but I'm pretty sure when he received this script he had forgotten to pay his brain bill. I can think of no other reason why he woulda taken such vapid crap. The character of Schmidt has no depth whatsoever. At all. None. Zilch. Zippo....you get the idea. His character reminded me of a confused six year old with absolutely no concept of how the real world works. Jacky, how you gonna play me like this!
I won't even go into how Dermot Mulroony had grey hair and made me feel older than Moses, or how through the entire movie I kept asking myself....heyyyyy is the priest that judge from Night Court?
Avoid this movie like the plague...if you choose to see it anyway, consider yourself warned.

Listening To: Todd Rundgren - Hello It's Me

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