DUDE!  I was just sitting here minding my own business, reading about various Hong Kong female music super groups (shaddup, blame him), when I look up, out my kitchen winder and see my normally very well dressed, ambiguously gay neighbor walk out, with another man.  Alone...not such a weird circumstance.  However, this new boy toy of his had his pants down around his knees, and his tighty whitey's looked like he had been rolling around in the mud for about ten days.  EW!  Just ew.  I need to shower now.
Ambiguously Gay Neighbor had best keep his flavors of the week dressed when parading them out in front of my apartment.  I really have no problem pointing out the obvious presence of semen and shit stains on the dude trousers.  Just foul.  And while I'm at it...if said neighbor doesn't stop porking the gays while listing to Ubangi Butt Stomp music, I will beat him about the head with my Hetero Hammer.