I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who finds the Martha Stewart fiasco hillarious. The fact that today she got sentenced to five months in jail and five months house arrest, tickles me in places I haven't even thought of in weeks. I'm giddy over this. I'm sure you Martha fans are probably wanting to burn me at the stake for even suggesting that she got what she deserved...and she did. But that's not why I'm so happy. I'm happy FOR her!! I mean imagine all the new things she's going to learn about while in the hoosgow, the possiblities are REALLY indeed endless for her now. She will come out of there with a new found sense of entrepraneurism.
She'll probably devote the first couple months of her house arrest in meetings and conference calls with her 'People', deciding on the debut cover of her new magazine 'Martha Stewart: Sentencing'...where she will discuss how to make a shank out of a Gucci Toothbrush, and how to pass notes between cell's using nothing more than the finest silk string and a piece of Wolfgang Pucks newly crafted Chewing Gum for celebrity inmates.
Then once off house arrest she can begin a new line of housewares and bedding...sold exclusively at Prison Commisary's, that will include a new line of Prisoner Sheet sets, in designs such as ChainGang Black, and Drop-The-Soap Purple. Along with an improved line of steel trays, bowls and spoons. She will include these utensils in the Martha Stewart Chow Collection.
She's gonna make a fortune off this shit!!! Hey, I wonder if I wrote her if I could get a piece of the action. I've got mad domestic skillz, yo!
It really is a good thing.
Listening To: Timi Yuro - Hurt