Dear Dicknose at the 7-11,

I hope you remember me. I was the girl in front of you in line. The one paying for her water and Cosmo. The girl whose ass you couldn't seem to resist touching. I just wanted to thank you for the grope. And for following me home in your beat up 1974 Chevy Nova, and for reminding me again why self defenses classes aren't such a bad idea afterall.
Please also keep this in mind next time you make one of your passes by my apartment. One of my personalities was in Vietnam. And it takes very little for him to present himself if he mistakes the sound of your beater engine for a chopper in Hanoi. When his agent orange starts acting up, the voices in our head tell us to clean our guns...the camaflouged face in the window is his, er mine.

Kindly Fuck Right the Hell Off...
Princess Me

P.S.
May your underwear turn carniverous and consume your genitals.