I'm disovering that I have a morning ritual. It's small but it's necessary. Some people NEED coffee to buzz start their day...I need Diet Coke. NEED. N-E-E-D. And if and when the time arises that I should go looking for that adored bottle of Deep Cock, as I so subtly refer to it, and it isn't in my fridge...Well, then the world is a holey unsafe environment for all those in it and around it and for those on the planet Ork, as well.
So I've taken to going out of the house in the morning to get a Big Gulp. Healthy, no. Do I care no. So I do it, and I love it! Love it. Costco size caverns of Deep Cock at my disposal. But I'm also NOT a morning person. At all. So if anything should impede my acquiring of the caffiene...I get a little cranky.
Stay with me, I have a point to all this.
So I go to my favorite little Quicky Mart and I refill my big ass big gulp cup (yes, I have refillable cups, I'm one of those people)...go up to pay and some guy with a 40 of Old E cuts right in front of me....scuuuuuuuse me for standing all up in your way, Mr. Old E. Maybe he didn't realize that this is MY quickie mart, and that the 40's and 9's is down the street.
So he tries to pay with his little debit card....it wouldn't work...Hahaha he says, wrong card. So he pulls out a stack of credit cards that I'm sure were all legitimate...and hands another one to the guy. Ohhhh hahahah wrong one again, he says. Now, I do have my Deep Cock refilled so I'm kosher and all...just standing back sipping away and minding the crazy.
Finally he get's a card that works....and pays and I step up behind him to pay for my stuff...and get the strongest, nastiest whiff of Bum-Beer air I have ever encountered in all my 26 years on this floating magnet. It knocked me back a bit, and I even let out a little grunt. That's how hard it hit me...like getting punched in the gut by Stank Beer Air. This was then the convo had with the little old asian man who runs the joint....
Me: That was bad.
Asian Man: Bad. Yes.
Me: He probably didn't need more beer.
Asian Man: No Beer...Need Bigger Wallet.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH! How I love the little old asian man. Almost made up for the stench that ate Portland.
Listening To: Chaka Kahn - Ain't Nobody