Sunday, August 22, 2004

Conversations with Inner Zed

Inner Zed - "Wake up, Bitch"

Miss Mia - "Fuck off, I was up all night."

IZ - "No really, get up. I gotta tell you something."

MM - *grumble*

IZ - "FIRE!!!"

MM - *grumble*

IZ - *insert dream images of waterfalls and dripping water*

MM - "Now I gotta pee. Why do you always do that, you ingrate?"

IZ - "One of my many charms. Go pee...I'll wait."

MM - *pees* "Ok now what do you want."

IZ - "Well, this whole sobriety thing you got us on. It's boring. I'm bored."

MM - "That isn't my problem. This isn't easy for me either. Can I go back to sleep now?"

IZ - "Want a Beer?"

MM - "I hate beer. You should know that by now. You being my inner higher self, and all."

IZ - "How about a tall glass of wine?"

MM - "Can you go away now?"

IZ - "Screwdriver?"

MM - "No."

IZ - "Martini? Margarita? Spiked Kool-Aid?"


IZ - "I want a Screwdriver"

MM - "No you don't."

(Couple of minutes pass)

IZ - "I still want a Screwdriver."

MM - "What the fuck, dude! It's the morning! No."

IZ - "But I wanna!!!!" *Clenching fists*

MM - "I'm giving you plenty of caffiene in the Diet Coke, and Nicotene is being transfused like a mother. Chill."

IZ - *stomping foot* "I don't care! I want my Screwdriver!"

You see my dilema. My inner zed has become a bratty alcoholic. When did this happen?

28 | Mom of two girls (12 & 9) |
Wife | Sting Devotee | Neurotic |
Sarcastic | Pissed Off | Native Oregonian |
Salty | Sweet | Chewy Nougat Center |

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