My day is a jenga game of shit with a few good pieces....so rather than writing about what the day from hell, I'm just going to tell ya bout the B-Movie I watched last night On Demand. I love B-movies...I love the cheese factor, and the bad acting, and all the silly air headed tramps running around nekid...Love love love it.
I noticed a movie called Lifeforce playing on Starz. I read the description...it said something about Alien vampires and their often nude female leader...SCORE! Just my kind of flick. I get my self all cozied up in bed and hit the 'Watch' button...and the fun begins. *insert sarcasm here*
The first thing I notice is that it's directed by Tobe Hooper....MUH?!?!?! Yes that Tobe, of Texas Chainsaw fame...that's what I said too. Tobe Hooper and Vampire/Zombie movie. Okie dokie then. Then I notice that the score of the movie was by Henry Mancini...MUH?!?!?! Moonriver, Mancini?? THEN, I see that Dan O'Bannon wrote it. GAH! Night of the Living Dead, O'Bannon???!?!?!?! Surely you jest. From this point on, all hopes I had of this movie were shot to shit. I don't like big names associated with my B-Movies. I like no names. No. Names!
The plot sucked. I know what your saying, it was a B-Movie, what do you expect. But it sucked in that bad way, cuz they TRIED to actually make this a movie. They TRIED! I hate that. Slipping plot into my bad movies just pisses me off. Here's a quick rundown of the very indistinct script....Bunch of astronauts, a combination of british and american (wtf), go up into space to study Hailey's Comet, great timing actually since this flick came out in 85, and those of us that member the height of the comet's viewing was in 86...but I digress, the astronauts find an abandoned aircraft floating around like space junk in the tail of the comet....so LO! They decide they are going to explore it. Heh. They find a bunch of dead people and little bat looking things hanging from the wall...and eventually stumble upon three 'perfect' human looking things nekid in glass coffins. All the deadhead astronauts marvel at the er, femininity, of the female leader. But honestly, I couldn't blame em, cuz RAWR, Mathilda May is yummy.
Anyway...back on earth we meet all the characters we don't give a flying fuck about...but one of them was played by a young Patrick Stewart, RAWR again, shaddup. The leader nekid chick goes on to suck the life outta all her unsuspecting horny victems...and she turns the planet into a bunch of blood thirsty vombies. Uh huh...alrighty then. Basically it was a waste of perfectly good B-Movie watching...but the movie did end with a really cool explosion...and you all know how I love those exploding noises.
In short, the movie was an overlong, incoherent mess...so I give it two craps down.
However the yummy factor was there...and for that it receives the Golden Boner Award!
Listening To: After 7 - Ready or Not