Friday, August 27, 2004

Dear Ambiguously Gay Neighbor,

I like you. I really, really do. I think that you have awesome taste in fashion, you drive a cute little mini volkswagon, and your pitbull doesn't bark at me or attempt to eat my kitties through my kitchen window. For all of this I am appreciative.
However, Mr. AGN, it is currently 2:10 in the morning. And your music, although a creative outlet for your gay expressionism, is annoying as hell when only heard through the muffled booms and base laden porn licks of our shared wall. I would appreciate it if you would turn this down to a reasonable level, at a reasonable time. Now, I'm an understanding woman, so I'll give you until 2:30...that will have given you almost an hour of your insta-hurl inducing techno dance shit...I will give you until 2:30 AM, Mr. AGN, before I get out my daughters guitar, bongo's and flute, and proceed to play every single song on the Menace 2 Society soundtrack unplugged.
Trust me, if your choices are to hear "Lick Dem Muthaphuckas" played entirely on the Bongo's by a woman who has had entirely too much of your gayness in one 24 hour period, or for you to turn down your Dance Fever music...well, I think the choice should be a simple one.

With all my contempt,
Princess Me.

You Smell.

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