Wednesday, August 25, 2004

You Know You're From Portland If...

You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty.
You never go camping without water-proof matches and ponchos.
You stand on a deserted street corner in the rain waiting for the light to change.
You've ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande with sugar-free cranberry whip.
The bride and groom registered at REI.
Know at least eight people who work for Intel or used to work for Tektronix.
You make $30,000 a year, yet still can't find a place to live.
Know the vast differences between Coffee People, Torrefazione, and Starbuck's.
You can list more than five reasons why Starbuck's is evil.
Every July 1st, it takes half a day to find your sunglasses and sunscreen.
You blame anything that is not right on ex-Californians.
You remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power for every winter weather event for the last five years.
You know what and when the Columbus Day storm was. Bonus for having been there.
You go to a coffee bar and see two guys get into a fight over who makes the best IPA.
Own more than 10 articles of clothing that have microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff.
You know that Boring is a place, not an adjective to describe your job.
You can point in the direction of two or more volcanoes even though you can't see them due to clouds.
You have a bookstore, coffee bar, and brewpub within walking distance of your house.
You can give a 30-minute monologue on infill and the Urban Growth Boundry.
You think downtown is 'scary' because you were panhandled there once.
When you drive out of town, every other guy in a pickup truck looks like the governor.
When you drive out of town, even the Hondas have gun racks.
You can name more than 10 kinds of berries and where to get them.
You can name more than 10 beer styles and their hop profiles.
When the weather gets above 50 degrees, you put on your shorts, but you still wear your hiking boots and parka.
When the weather gets above 60 degrees, you replace your hiking boots with sandals.
You think people who use umbrellas are wimps.
You can recount more than five anecdotes why the east side is a crime-infested jungle,
You can list more than five reasons why the west side is a boring, snobby, white-bread suburb.
You know what is between the east side and the west side, and how to pronounce it.
You know that Couch the street is not pronounced like the couch that you sit on.
You are sitting at a red light surrounded by Subaru Legacy Outbacks.
"Today's forecast, showers, followed by rain. Tomorrow: rain, followed by showers" doesn't faze you.
You can't wait for a day with "showers and sunbreaks".
You can go skiing after work.
A tree or mudslide has ever damaged your house or car.
You live equidistant to a symphony hall, a winery, and a volcano.

Guilty. I'm sure only Oregonians and especially Portlanders will find this funny...but it cracked me up.

28 | Mom of two girls (12 & 9) |
Wife | Sting Devotee | Neurotic |
Sarcastic | Pissed Off | Native Oregonian |
Salty | Sweet | Chewy Nougat Center |

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