Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl who lived in Tortland, Moregon. She was the smartest, most beautiful girl in all the kingdom of Tort. But one day the beautiful girl, we'll call her Tia, decided to cook herself dinner and give the servants the evening off to go partake in the Ren Film Fest. She got out all her ingredients and whipped up the lovliest of meals.
Thirty minutes passes and still no good smells were wafting up from the kitchen, so Tia goes into the kitchen to find what the problem is. She looks at all of the buttons and switches on the stove and can feel heat coming off of the cooking surface. She, also, about this time notices that one of her midevil burners isn't on the stove correctly. She reaches her beautiful hand down and takes a firm grasp of the burner, and BURNS THE LIVING DICK OUT OF HER HAND. She had in fact turned on the incorrect midevil buttfucking burner.

The moral to this story is: Do not ever under any circumstances cook. And hire more servants.

Sure glad I'm not that girl.

Listening To: Brenda Russell - Piano In The Dark