Saturday, August 14, 2004

The Touch Of My Foot Up Your Ass

Alrighty I have some beef with Miss bare with me. I realize she's a filthy trollup, and that she has an intellegence rivaled only by Anna Nichole, or possibly a garden slug. But, unless I'm incorrect in this assumption, I believe she still has a pretty strong young female fanbase. I know that my oldest offspring, (who is nine) still likes her music, although I won't let her watch the concerts. And I specifically didn't buy her the newest CD, In The Zone, because I objected to the music on there. Not for everybody, and obviously I'm no prude, but for a nine year old impressionable young girl...Britney just isn't ok, anymore.
To Make a long story longer, when the child went up to see my mother and visit for a couple of weeks, my crazy mother bought her a few new cd's. Mandy Moore, Jessica Simpson, Raven Simone...I thought Ok, those are all ok for a kid. I went in to finish cleaning the childs room yesterday when she was gone, like I had told her I would, and found the new Britney CD tucked away under her bed. Now I don't think she was intentionaly hiding it from me, because that's just not like her, she probably just had it stuffed away somewhere and lost it, and I happened to find it again. This pissed me off. I told the parental unit NOT to buy this specific album. That's beside the point.
Aside from the fact that Britney is a Whore's Whore, her music is trashier than she is. And she's still trying to market herself to young girls. It's no freakin wonder we have so many teenagers out there banging anything with a pulse, and wearing teeny tiny outfits that would barely fit my cat.
Tonight I happened upon her Onyx Hotel Tour on Showtime, and being that I was totally alone and nobody would ever know that I was watching it, I kept it on. HOLY SHIT. I was so right in my assumption. That show was trashier than Janet's live show, which Mr. Zed and I saw on the Velvet Rope tour. During one song inparticular, she comes out in this pink bra/panties/garter get up, straight out of a Vivid Entertainment Production, throws herself around on a bed with a girly man and then flings herself into a bathtub, lubes herself up spread eagle, and sings about.....MASTURBATION! Sweet hell, that's what I really want my daughter running around singing at the age of nine. I'm all about the self love, but I would prefer her to hit puberty before she starts discovering the glory of the She-Bop.

Here's the lyrics to the MASTURBATION song....Gah

Touch Of My Hand
I'm not ashamed of the things that I dream
I found my self flirting with the verge of obscene
Into the unknown I will be bold
I'm going to places I can be out of control

I don't want to explain tonight all the things I tried to hide
I shut myself off from the world so I can draw the blinds
And I'll teach myself to fly
I love myself its not a sin
I cant control what's happenin

Cuz I jus discovered
Imagination's taken over
Another day without a lover
The more I come to understand the touch of my hand

The small of my back
The arch of my feet
Lately I've been noticing the beautiful me
I'm all in my skin and I'm not gonna wait
I'm into myself in a most precious way

I don't want to explain tonight all the things I tried to hide
I shut myself off from the world so I can draw the blinds
And I'll teach myself to fly

Cuz I jus discovered
Imagination's taken over
Another day without a lover
The more I come to understand the touch of my hand

There's a world undefined in my body and mind
I wont be left behind I'm already here

Ummmmmm Okie Dokie Miss Spears. Now would be the time to decide if you want to have a younger/innocent audience or if your ready to expose your tit to the world at a major sporting event. Cuz yanno, either one is ok with me....but so help me god if I hide this CD and the offspring finds it, I will hunt you down Miss Spears....and if I ever, EVER hear the words "The More I Come To Understand The Touch Of My Hand" come out of my nine year old's mouth, I will feed Britney to a rabid bunch of Tipper Gore lookalikes, hungry for a new cause.

Wees gun have ourselves a witch burnin, pa!

28 | Mom of two girls (12 & 9) |
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Sarcastic | Pissed Off | Native Oregonian |
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