My house reeks! I don't mean just smells a little funky like gym shoes or anything...I mean it smells like the inside of an anchovie's cunt. And why you may be asking yourself does my house smell like an anchovie's cunt?? Well I'll tell you...because my retarded significant other decided to eat Sardines in tomato sauce. OH. MY. GOD! I may spew red, white, and blue...in honor of the holiday and all...But good god damn, my house smells like the place whales go to die....GAGAGAGAGAGAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! One has to fart in here to make it liveable...and the cat has tried!! I'm going outside to attempt to get this stench outta my head holes...UGH!

Listening To: My stomach revolting.

 

Because I may not post again today...Happy Memorial Day to all.

"Freedom Is A Light In Which Many Men Have Died In Darkness" From the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

I saw this on a few other people's blogs and thought I would make a little mappy map of my own. As you can see I've got the west covered...anyone live in the east and wanna sponser a really cute chica from oregon?? Please....I've got candy!!! 

Listening To: Aaliyah - Rock Da Boat

Lemon Tree by Fool's Garden

I'm sitting here in a boring room
It's just another rainy Sunday afternoon

I'm wasting my time I got nothing to do
I'm hanging around I'm waiting for you

But nothing ever happens - and I wonder

I'm driving around in my car
I'm driving too fast I'm driving too far

I'd like to change my point of view
I feel so lonely I'm waiting for you

But nothing ever happens - and I wonder

I wonder how I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree

I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree

I'm sitting here I miss the power
I'd like to go out taking a shower

But there's a heavy cloud inside my head
I feel so tired put myself into bed

Where nothing ever happens - and I wonder

Isolation - is not good for me Isolation
I don't want to sit on a lemon tree

I'm steppin' around in a desert of joy
Baby anyhow I'll get another toy

And everything will happen - and you'll wonder

I wonder how I wonder why
Yesterday you told me 'bout the blue blue sky
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree

I'm turning my head up and down
I'm turning turning turning turning turning around
And all that I can see is just a yellow lemon tree

Brooke Wilberger - Last Seen 5/24/2004 
I decided to help out in any way I can with the disappearance of Brooke from Corvallis Oregon. It saddens me that a girl, 19 years old, co-ed...can just vanish from the face of the earth. Please take a good look at her, and if you know anything go the website and call the Corvallis Police with your information...Let's bring Brooke home!

I feel like baked Ass-Soufle today. I take this medication for my depression/anxiety. It's no big deal amongst us crazies, we take a medication and we supposedely no longer have the inclination to rip out the trachea's of passerby. This medication works fairly well (Effexor) it is however uber-strong...and they way the dose it is like this, at least in my case: Half a pill for one week...one pill for one week, then you up it to two pills for the remainder of time your on it. I just upped it to two again...I stopped taking it for a long time and now I remember why. I'm fucking sicker than Monica L on Presidents Day. My stomach feels like it's doing the pachanga, I'm dizzy as all hell, and I think there are ten overweight elephants playing soccer with my eyeballs. I've got the heat turned up so high in here, if you threw rocks on my kitchen countertops it would sizzle and I'd have all the yuppy neighbors over here in bathtowels soaking up the steam.

Fucking Yuppies....Happy Saturday

Listening to: Winger - She's Only 17 (Shaddup)

I want to be a guy....if only for a week. The male form is overwhelmingly strange to me as a woman and yet, magnetically, visually appealing (in the way that circus freaks were attractive to victorian audiences). Angles, lumps, bumps and stray follicles of pheromone dipped hair....what a strange beast. I imagine what I would do if I had unlimited ownership of one of those bodies.

First I'd test out my blank male face. Poker, stone, a whitewashed barn wall with razor edged stubble. I could make you think I loved you by flashing only a hint of a smile. Sad commercials and serious blows to the head would get nothing from me. Not a whimper. You'd look at me and think "Jeeeeezus, is anyone home in there?"

I'd wear the same pair of underwear for two days in a row just to see what kinda junk would build up in there. I'd have to stop at two days though, since I'd still be myself inside and my inner hygiene freak would surely rebel. I might end up burning the soiled pair of undies in my kitchen sink....but I'd leave the ashes there to fester for days.

Of course, I'd masturbate. Immediately, if what I know of male inclination is any judge. I'd be keen to find out how my female hand-job abilities actually stack up. I think I'd employ the yank and tug method if it were my own appendage....just to remind myself that that lumbering piece of log-like flesh was actually adhered to my body. That knowledge in itself would get me off at least ten times.

When I was done Jerkin My Gerkin™, I would pad into the bathroom on my big wide feet. It might be fun to have feet like that, with hairy toes and yellow nails. Feet that ground you, that make no excuses for being feet. Ugly feet hidden in sweat socks that will never see the inside of a pedicuritsts scrub bucket. Nothing like the fancy accessories women's feet are supposed to be. No worry about toenails matching the handbag for supreme summer sandal fashion.

In the bathroom, I would see to the call of nature (and I would call it that, too). I've always wanted to pee while vertical. Holding my penis in my big hand and, perhaps, leaning my forehead against the wall behind the toilet. It'd be the forceful, rushing kind of urination that only guys are capable of. Whooooosh! With my accuracy, speed and volume, I would show the world who's boss.

Then I'd go out into the world. Walking tall on thighs that appeal to my sense of ideal self. Strong calves, powering my rugged body across the terrain. Legs that can escape rapists and rabid dogs. I would put myself in the way of danger just to test those powerhouse gams out.

As I walk down the street, legs slightly apart, I would brush against other people, not caring about personal space and fear of confrontation. My shoulders broad and fulfilling. I might stop to chat...no, not chat...talk. Talk in serious tones to a friend that I met there on the sidewalk. We would speak to each other in that important way men do about where we're going tonight. We'd speculate in loud voices about what we'll drink, how much and who we'll fuck by the end of the night. It would be unspoken, but known that most of this is just bravado. When later we meet up in a bar somewhere, we'll keep a brotherly silence between us.

Sex. I'd definitely want to have sex several times with this self-assured body....I'd even want to make love to other men if I could arrange it in the time I was in possession of this body. Partly to see what it would be like, but partly just to push this man's body where it might not otherwise dream of going. I imagine homosexual sex would be a strange but enlightening experience. The miraculous softening that occurs when you place two of these hard, angular bodies together. Supernatural.

Women wouldn't escape my lusty pioneering either. I would absolutely need to find out what it felt like to push myself into a woman. Feel her heat and fluid softness grip around my penis. Of course, I'd fuck her missionary to get the historical view of things, but I wouldn't miss out on doggie style either. I'd want the full range of feeling. If she was game, I'd ask her to get on top with her back to me to feel that unnatural but not unpleasant feeling of being bent.

Sexual stamina exhausted, I'd rid myself of my partner (or partners....always account for the unaccountable) and settle into myself for the night. I'd lay on the couch for a while, with my hand down the front of my jeans, and contemplate my good fortune.

Of course, in the morning, I'd wake up as my old self again. The curse back on me....breasts and hips and emotional chaos. Familiar terrain would meet my touch. But I'd feel more alive, I think, having been a man returned to woman. I'd feel well traveled and somehow more entitled to my body.

Listening To: Bloodhound Gang - Bad Touch

Yes, indeedy I did decide to be a bum...I haven't blogged in months and months, mostly cuz I was having some mental issues that I needed to sort through and handle, but partly just cuz I didn't feel like I had anything to say or contribute. Then I remembered what this Blog was here for....it's an outlet for ME. For me to talk about what a jenga game of crap my day has been, or problems I'm having with my kiddo's....or to talk about that time I was abducted by space penguins and had to be their Martha Stewart for five months...but now I'm just getting off topic.
Anyway, I finally decided a couple of weeks ago to come back to Blogging and really give it a go this time. I signed onto blogger.com, tried to get into my account and nuttin...so I wrote to the fine people in tech support and they resent my info...to an email account I had six months ago and have since closed down...wait another week for them to resend it and change my info to include my new email address, and here I am. Thanks a million Graham The Blogger Tech Support Helper Dude!!
I'm hoping to get to know more of you out there in the internet universe...and I look forward to doing this thing finally!

Listening To: 3 Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You