Saturday, July 31, 2004
Why is it that certain songs are played adnaseum on the radio...even songs that are 20 frickin years old are played to the point that I want to stab myself in the ears with a spork. For instance...here are some songs played incessently, that I once liked and now hate...
Stevie Nicks/Don Henley - Leather & Lace
Journey - Open Arms
Men At Work - Who Can It Be Now
Cheap Trick - I Want You To Want Me
I could really go on and on...but those WERE all great songs....and now some freaking Swatch Heads have called in a gazillion times requesting that shit, and now we gotta suffer with it every other god damn song....Or I could just switch the channel...but really, the remote is wayyyyyyyy over there, so that really isn't an option now is it.
Listening To - Stevie Nicks/Don Henley - Leather & Lace.....Kill Me Now
Friday, July 30, 2004
Before I go for the night, I wanted to say that even though I don't know him well yet...his site is awesome and it's his birthday today
Happy Birthday Buzz!!
I'm just now finished with the kitchen...I did of course take gluttonous amounts of breakage in the form of Diet Coke, Pizza, and random quizes on the internet. But I am done, nontheless. I hear the load of dishes running in the washer, and that was my last chore to do in there. Holy Chipotle Batman...that was naaaaahaaaastayyyyyy. Remind me next time I tell meself that I can wash off the counters in a few, or I don't REALLY hafta clean the oven or the fridge or the windows...that yes, in fact I do. Or the dirt will began to procreate and bring forth a new lifeform. And they talk. And I think they bite too...that or I have a skeeter with an attitude up in here.
On another note...I proved to myself once again why The Zed household doesn't keep houseplants. Or outside plants...or salad mix for that matter. I keeeeeel them. Yes! I do! I am a horrible horrible plant keeper. It's not that I don't try...well it's kinda that I don't try, but mostly it's that I'm soooo forgetful. I have this beeeeeutiful ivy kind of plant hanging on my front porch (seeee I don't even know what kind of plant it is!)...anyway, I didn't water it for like three weeks...and I didn't feed it and I rarely took it for walks. So today, when I looked up to admire my beeeeeutiful ivy type plant I noticed it was half brown. Brown ivy isn't as purdy as green ivy! So I brought it inside and took off all the dead leaves, watered the hell outta it, and hung it back up. So wish my plant luck...it'll need it, with me as it's keeper.
With that...I'm going to watch a movie and relax for the first time today...
Listening To: Bent - Invisible Pedestrian
At Least I Wasn't Uggs
You Are Big Black Boots!
You can be best described as: attitude
You've got lots of it - and you love to give it
A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you
But if he's your type, you'll warm up... a little
What Shoe Are You? Take This Quiz
Listening To: The Who - Baba O'Reilly (No, it's not called Teenage Wasteland, you dorks)
You Can Tell By The Cleanliness Of The Carnage.
You know what I hate....hate more than the thought of Della Reese in a Bikini....My dirty kitchen....It is diiiiiiirtay! It looks like the aftermath of a college kegger in there. Seriously blah. I've only got half of it cleaned and I'm already sweating like a fat guy on the eliptical machine at Gold's. This is taking elbow, knee and ankle grease. Dirrrrrtay!
I'm beginning to think that I'm not only cluttered, but an occasional slob. I'm classy like that.
Listening To: The Belle Stars - Iko Iko
They Got Everything From A Diddle-Eyed Joe To Damned If I Know.
So last night after my Nicosphere discovery I got on this weird shit kick...I was trying to find some of the more unusual websites out there...I found a few good ones. Great way to waste time if your bored...
Films of Daedalus Howell - Short films in the like of 50's Educational Films...Gems include "What to do with your dead hooker" and "Johnny Come Early"
Male Pregnancy - Fact or Fiction...Bwahahahaha
Life Size Simpson's House - Why wasn't I in on this promotion, damnit!
Retrolounge - Tons of old advertisements and stuff....good times, good times...
Listening To: The Who - Eminence Front
Why is it that when I drink too much caffiene I get a major headache behind my eyes....and the Excedrine Migraine medication has caffiene as one of the key ingredients?
What kind of herbs were the Beatles smoking when they wrote Penny Lane?? That shit is plum stacked with sexual innuendo! Clean Machine indeed!
Why is it that Diet Pepsi goes flat within five seconds of opening the can?
Why aren't there more redheaded playmates??
and finally....What the glory fuck is a Nicosphere?
I'm shutting up for the night now...
Listening To: Bell Biv Devoe - I Thought It Was Me
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Was It the Michael Moore Post??
These are part of my stats for Zed....notice the visitor from the Government....I would just like to say, that I didn't do it. And Bush is neat and stuff...That is all.
...go to work on homes' here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch.
I decided to remove this post....it was just too depressing and personal....You'll get over it.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Living Reflection From A Dream
You are a beautiful person, in a wistful kind of way. If you could, you would spend all your time daydreaming and writing poetry. You are a tragic beauty. You are sensitive and caring, and you don't take insults well. You don't smile much, but when you do, you really mean it. People like to be around you because you are a calming influence. You have an appreciation for all things beautiful, and you probably have some potted plants. You also most likely own a cat. You like Sundays and hot tea. You will spend your entire life yearning for quiet beauty, which is a rarity in this world, so you read a lot.
Take the Which Led Zeppelin Song Are You? Quiz
Kooties I can handle....
With all the pregnancies and new parents I've been reading about on other Blogs lately I thought it was time to post a little help from your friendly neighborhood Zed...As we all know preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real life experience of being a mother or father.
1. Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick
a beanbag chair down the front. Leave it there for nine months. After
nine months remove 10% of the beans.
Men: To prepare for paternity, go to the local drug store, tip the
contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help
himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have you salary paid
directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper and read it
for the last time.
2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are
already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack
of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed
their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve
their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall
behavior. Enjoy it....it's the last time in your life that you will have
all the answers.
3. To discover how the nights feel, walk around the living room from
5 p.m. till 10 p.m. carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 lbs.
At 10 p.m. put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
Get up at 12 a.m. and walk around the living room again with the bag
until 1 a.m. Put the alarm on for 3 a.m. At this point, you can't go back to sleep, get up at 2 a.m. and make a drink. Go to bed at 2:45 a.m. Get up again at 3 a.m. when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark till 4 a.m.
Put the alarm on for 5 a.m. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for
5 years. Look cheerful.
4. Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, smear peanut
butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish stick
behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in
the flower beds then rum them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with
crayons. How does that look?
5. Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems. First buy an
octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string
bag so that none of the arms hang out. Time allowed for this: all
6. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a can of paint turn
it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube. Using only scotch
tape and a piece of foil, turn it into a Christmas tree. Last take a milk
container, a ping pong ball, and an empty packet of Coco puffs and make
an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Congratulations, you have just
qualified for a place on the play group committee.
7. Forget the Miata and buy the minivan. And don't think you can leave
it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look
like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove
compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette
player. Take a family size bag of chocolate cookies. Mash them down the
back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There!
8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go
out the front door. Come in again. go out. Come back in. Go out again.
Walk down the front path. Walk back up it again. Walk down it again.
Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect minutely
every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead
insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've has as much
as you can stand until all of the neighbors come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back in the house. You are now just about ready to try
taking a small child for a walk.
9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
10. Go to your local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you
can find to a pre-school child. A fully grown goat is excellent. If
you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy
your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay
for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily accomplish
this do not even contemplate having children.
11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from
the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy
Froot Loops and attemtp to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending
to be an airplane. Continue until half of the froot loops are gone.
Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor. You are now ready to feed a 12 month old child.
12. Learn the names of every character from Barney and Friends, Sesame
Street, and Blues Clues. When you find yourself singing, "I love you,
you love me." at work, you are finally qualified as a parent.
Listening To: The Who - Won't Get Fooled Again
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I guess you just gotta know how to wear it....
I have an overwhelming feeling of blah today. I woke up in this mood. For no reason, really...but not an hour after I pulled my groggy ass outta bed, I was crying. Normally, I would think it was that time of the month, but I just had the Aunt Flo visit, and she's not due for another two weeks. I've always had to battle with depression....the worst part about it seems to be the sudden randomness of it all. For no reason sometimes, I will feel like crying or ripping my hair out. I can usually feel it coming on, and can sequester myself and ride it out...not on mornings or days like today. It runs in my family, and I realize it is a disease that is treatable with medication. I've tried the medications....but I end up stopping them after a couple of months, mainly because the effects begin to wain, and I feel myself reverting back to gloomy states, and with the naseaua that comes with the meds...it's just not worth it at that point.
This morning I took my medicine. Slipping back into my depression scares the hell out of me. I don't EVER want to live like that again, and I don't ever want the people around me to see me in that frame of mind, again. It was unhealthy for me and for my loved ones. It made my home just a shelter. I turned my life upside down because of self-loathing and hatred. Hatred of everybody and every situation in my life...but mostly hatred of myself. I hated the way I looked, I hated my attitude, I hated my general lifeskills...a year ago, if you had asked me to name one thing about myself that I liked, I don't think I could have looked you in the eye and given you an honest answer.
Today I see a different person when I look in the mirror...both physically and mentally. I am LIKING who I see...and yes I do still have times when I want to scream out in anger or frustration...or just lock myself in the bathroom and have a hard cry...but I've found other ways to let out negative emotions. Blogging for one, or opening up and talking to people who love me, instead of bottling it all up and drowning my problems in a Keg-O-Wine from the local ghetto liquor store. It's not easy for me...opening myself up to people makes me feel vulnerable. That too, runs in my family. We weren't the lovey-huggy type of family that you see on TV. My family had plenty of love floating around it was just mostly shown in monetary ways. And we NEVER EVER talked about our FEELINGS...good god no. That was unheard of in my family. So, when I am confronted with someone who genuinely cares about my feelings, and my general well-being, it does throw me off a little bit. Even now after almost 10 years, I'm still adjusting to the fact that what exsists here, in my home, is love.
Pure and Simple.
Listening To: The Bee Gee's - Stayin Alive
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Yeah....I knew that....
Seeeeee what happens when I get this bored!!! I take stupid quizes that tell me what Porn Star I'm most like....Although, I do gotta say RAWR, cuz Tera is vixenlicious....Oh and don't take this at work and stuff...
You Are Tera Patrick
Exotic, beautiful, and known to be a total man pleaser. You and Tera Patrick are both the biggest dickhounds in your zip code. Unlike many porn stars, you'd be in porn for the guys... not the girls. Like Tera, you enjoy a nice hard man whenever you can get one
What Porn Starlet Are You?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.
Have you ever had one of those super stressful weeks?? You know the kind where it seems that by the end of the week your head may explode and your eyes start buggin outta your head cuz of all the pressure your brain is placing on your skull?? Be it from your kids, or your job, school, family, whatever it is. And you just think to yourself, "If I could just have one day/night alone with nobody and nothing to give me any stress, I would be ok again. "
I did that. I got rid of ALL stresses in my life tonight....and guess what. I'M BORED OUTTA MY FRIGGIN SKULLCAP! I'm not good at keeping myself entertained!!! I tried watching a movie, but that bored me fairly quickly....I've read some new blogs, but that bored me too! I've played games online, I've played games off line, I've played with the cats, I've done the dishes and laundry....still bored.
And now it's gotten so bad, that I do believe my brain has given up functioning in a productive manor for the remainder of the night. It's still four jabillion degrees in my apartment, none of the radio stations will ever get off commercials, and my neighbor keeps coming in and out of his apartment, slamming his door in a very loud AMBIGUOUSLY GAY way. Perhaps he wants me to go kick his ass!! Yes, that must be it....at least it would cure my boredom...
Listening To: Third Eye Blind - Danger
Saturday, July 24, 2004
New movie review at the other site...take a look.
Having nothing to talk about sucks Delta Burke's ass...but I'm going away to the beach tomorrow so hopefully I'll have something to talk about on Tuesday...
Listening To: The Bee Gees - How Deep Is Your Love
Thursday, July 22, 2004
I just put a new movie review up....go check it out if your interested in reading about one of the biggest pieces of crap ever made...I'm working on getting caught up on all my movie reviews. For those of you waiting in suspenders for my opinions, the upcoming movie reviews will be...
Freddy Vs. Jason
She's Having A Baby
I know, I know...the suspense is palpable....
Listening To: Thrill Kill Cult - Sex On Wheels
I'm in a blogging slump to say the very least. I don't feel like I have anything at all to talk about. I could regale you with tales of Mr. Zed's ability to break his car without even touching it, but that might embarrass him on a global level, cuz he is certain he is Super Camaro Fixing Dude. It's his super-power.
I could tell you about how it's hotter than a Jenna Jamison flick in my apartment. How the air is so thick it's hard to breathe, how my fan is doing jack shit for the situation, or how I can't possibly make anything to eat using the stove cuz it would surely raise the temp 593 degrees in here, and then I would implode.
I could tell you about how my cat has developed this muy disgusting habit of wiping his ass on the carpet after he uses the litter box, or how my baby kitten thinks she is wonder kitty and bites Cat's tail so he then tries to consume her wittle kitty head.
I could tell you how my typing is defunct and I've had to correct eleventy million mistakes in this teeny tiny post....but instead I'm just going to drink the slurpee Mr. Zed just brought me, and wallow in my own heated self pity....
Listening To: Beaver Brown Band - On The Darkside
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
I'm not a whore. I'm a call-girl. There's a difference, you know ?
There is indeed a difference. I believe that the difference lies in the background music. For instance....If I want to get the high hard one, I would play something like Whitesnake or Def Leppard (shaddup)...cheesy yes, but great hard boinkin music.
Now if I should say, want everything to be about me, I would put in Janet's, Velvet Rope Album. No other choices, that one is the end all and fuck all of sexual power. She can show her tit to every nation under dog...so long as she keeps making come-fuck-me-albums.
Now, if I'm feeling a bit, say, submissive, I might put in some Jodeci or Maxwell....cuz those men make me cheese in my Jordache....and I like it.....however if I want my man to be dominate I would put in something like Dre or any popular rap artist pre-1996. Some of you may be saying...HUH RAP?? But really, if you're a fan of Dre's early stuff you will understand where I'm coming from. Although you can't exactly put The Chronic in your player, and go to town. It's best to have a mixed CD. Do It! You can thank me later....even the hardened Yanni fan may surprise you and fork you like tomorrow is Cobbler Day at the old folks home if you put in some good Dre/Snoop.
Why this post??? I just burned a cd in my player....here is the track listing...
- 112 - Cupid
- Carl Thomas - Emotional
- Sisqo - Incomplete
- Floetry - Say Yes
- Joe - I Wanna Know
- Avant - Phone Sex
- Silk - Meeting In My Bedroom
- Donell Jones - Where I Wanna Be
- Blackstreet - Tonights The Night
- Quincy Jones ft/ Al B Sure, Barry White, El Debarge & James Ingram - Secret Garden
- R. Kelly - Strip For You
- Another Level - Freak Me
- Link - I Wanna Sex Your Body
- LSG - My Body
- Tyrese - On Top Of Me
- Blackstreet - Deep
- Carl Thomas - Lay Your Body
- Silk - Let's Make Love
- SWV - Rain Down On Me
- Jagged Edge - Baby, I Promise
- Jodeci - Feenin'
- Usher - You Got It Bad
- Tyrese - Sweet Lady
- New Edition - Can You Stand The Rain
- KC & Jo Jo - Tell Me It's Real
- Aaliyah - One In A Million
- 112 - Sweet Love
Right-o....Soooo guess what I'm thinkin bout....heh
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Fox Force 5
So I was reading over the Pulp Fiction script
this afternoon...for the zillionth time, and I get to the part where Mia and Vincent have the talk about her TV Pilot...Goes a little something like this...
Mia: It was show about a team of female secret agents called "Fox Force Five."
Mia: "Fox Force Five." Fox, as in we're a bunch of foxy chicks. Force, as in we're a force to be reckoned with. Five, as in there's one..two ...three..four..five of us. There was a blonde one, Sommerset O'Neal from that show "Baton Rouge, she was the leader. A Japanese one, a black one, a French one and a brunette one, me. We all had special skills. Sommerset had a photographic memory, the Japanese fox was a kung fu master, the black girl was a demolition expert, the French fox's specialty was sex...
Vincent: What was your specialty?
Mia: Knives. The character I played, Raven McCoy, her background was she was raised by circus performers. So she grew up doing a knife act. According to the show, she was the deadliest woman in the world with a knife. But because she grew up in a circus, she was also something of an acrobat. She could do illusions, she was a trapeze artist -- when you're keeping the world safe from evil, you never know when being a trapeze artist's gonna come in handy. And she knew a million old jokes her grandfather, an old vaudevillian, taught her. If we would have gotten picked up, they would have worked in a gimmick where every episode I would have told a joke.
Vincent: Do you remember any of the jokes?
Etc, etc etc...but everytime I get to this point in the story, I think...SHIT! That would make an awesome flick. We don't really have any cool Ass-Kicking Chick type Superhero's. Sure there is Charlie's Angels...but I'm sorry, without Jackie Smith
, I don't buy it. And besides Cameron Diaz
creeps me the fuck out, and I don't like Lucy Liu
. Sue me. If QT
got his mind wrapped around a flick like this it could be HUGE. I've taken the liberty of giving him some casting options....
First up is Sommerset O'Neil. The blonde one. My personal fave for this role would be Bijou Phillips
. I think she rocks much ass, she has that good girl/bad girl thing going on, and c'mon the girl needs a good script! Enough with the shitty teen angst, Bijou!!! Leave that to Sean
...should you two ever rekindle the flame. Alternates for this roll could be Jaime Pressley
, Alyssa Milano
(should she go blonde
again) or Denise Richards
Next up, we have the Japanese one. I'v went ahead and named the character Keiko Suzuki, cuz it sounds like a good asskicking Japanese name. My choice for this roll would be Chiaki Kuriyama
. She played Go-Go Yaburi in the Kill Bill flicks, so she already has QT experience, and she's cute and looks good with a sword. Alternate for this roll could be Nanako Matsushima
Next in line the black one. I've named this character Samira Belmont...cuz the name sounds like someone who wanted to kick my ass in highschool...an homage of sorts. I had a hard hard time deciding on who should portray dear Samira. First thoughts were Angela Basset
(too old), Halle Berry
(already did her superhero part in CatWoman, and she's a vapid twit), or Jada Pinkett
(too cutesy). So this was a hard choice for me. I've decided that Kenya Moore
is the best possible choice. She's beautiful in a way that should be illegal, yet I get the feeling that she would go apeshit on you if you even looked at her funny. Jolly good choice for the chick who likes bombs. Alternates could be Michael Michele
or Vivica Fox
...both with the same qualities I see in Kenya.
The french one...the sex fiend who could kill you. Nice. I've named her Sian LaPierre...cuz I liked it, and it makes me think of base laden porn music, and chicks with guns all at the same time. French actresses are all about the sex appeal, so this was hard only in that I had a hard time deciding who turned me on the most. I went with my second choice for this role...Vanessa Paradis
. My first choice was Ludivine Sagnier
, but then I decided she was just a little too wholesome looking. So Vanessa it was. Ludivine could still be an alternate along with Sophie Marceau
or Roxane Mesquida
Mia would of course play the roll of Raven McCoy...and yes I realize that Mia Wallace is a pretend person...but this entire post is about my fantasy kick ass chick flick....So there you have it...now we just gotta get QT on the line, and have his people meet my people, and I'm in the money, baby!!!
Friday, July 16, 2004
It's A Good Thing
I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who finds the Martha Stewart fiasco hillarious. The fact that today she got sentenced to five months in jail and five months house arrest, tickles me in places I haven't even thought of in weeks. I'm giddy over this. I'm sure you Martha fans are probably wanting to burn me at the stake for even suggesting that she got what she deserved...and she did. But that's not why I'm so happy. I'm happy FOR her!! I mean imagine all the new things she's going to learn about while in the hoosgow, the possiblities are REALLY indeed endless for her now. She will come out of there with a new found sense of entrepraneurism.
She'll probably devote the first couple months of her house arrest in meetings and conference calls with her 'People', deciding on the debut cover of her new magazine 'Martha Stewart: Sentencing'...where she will discuss how to make a shank out of a Gucci Toothbrush, and how to pass notes between cell's using nothing more than the finest silk string and a piece of Wolfgang Pucks newly crafted Chewing Gum for celebrity inmates.
Then once off house arrest she can begin a new line of housewares and bedding...sold exclusively at Prison Commisary's, that will include a new line of Prisoner Sheet sets, in designs such as ChainGang Black, and Drop-The-Soap Purple. Along with an improved line of steel trays, bowls and spoons. She will include these utensils in the Martha Stewart Chow Collection.
She's gonna make a fortune off this shit!!! Hey, I wonder if I wrote her if I could get a piece of the action. I've got mad domestic skillz, yo!
It really is a good thing.
Listening To: Timi Yuro - Hurt
....Why this day is going downhill fast...
Perhaps today is a good day to just OD on Excedrine migraine in front of my fan and completely veg....at least until the head doesn't feel like it's in a vice Casino style...
- I switched browsers to Mozilla from IE...my blog looks like crap in Mozilla, and I'm not in the mood to tinker with the code right now...so you people are just gonna hafta wait.
- I have fourtyhundredbazillion chores to do around the house, and with the headache and the heat, well shit just aint getting done.
Listening To: The Beatles - And I Love Her (vewy vewy quietly)
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Screw you and your hair
GAH! Michael Bolton creeps me the fuck out. I've been watching pieces of him night after night on VH1's I Love The 90's. I hate that whiney balding impish little fairy troll. The worst part of the whole scenario is that they have him doing the Hotties of the 90's segment, which gives him ample opportunity to use words like, Smokin' and Fiiiiiiiiine. I could have lived the rest of my days without hearing Fairy Troll utter those words. I don't ever ever ever ever want to hear Baldy use the phrase smokin again. He needs to shut up and go back to butt fucking the classics and stop ruining my god damn 90's flashbacks.
Proof that he sucks and blows simultaneously is that I had already written this post, and when I was trying to link up the Bolton page on VH1...my comp crashed and I had to do it over. Fucking Troll.
Listening To: Toad The Wet Sprocket - Good Intentions
DUDE! I was just sitting here minding my own business, reading about various Hong Kong female music super groups (shaddup, blame him), when I look up, out my kitchen winder and see my normally very well dressed, ambiguously gay neighbor walk out, with another man. Alone...not such a weird circumstance. However, this new boy toy of his had his pants down around his knees, and his tighty whitey's looked like he had been rolling around in the mud for about ten days. EW! Just ew. I need to shower now.
Ambiguously Gay Neighbor had best keep his flavors of the week dressed when parading them out in front of my apartment. I really have no problem pointing out the obvious presence of semen and shit stains on the dude trousers. Just foul. And while I'm at it...if said neighbor doesn't stop porking the gays while listing to Ubangi Butt Stomp music, I will beat him about the head with my Hetero Hammer.
Color me shocked
I was just looking at my stats on various pages and I noticed that people have added me to their links...Holy Crap! I know that he does, and he does too! I'm gettin all warm and fuzzy now. It got me wondering how many people have me added, you know cuz I'm all about the self gratification. So do tell, c'mon, spill it!
Now I think I'll just start sending her mind melding messages, and maybe she'll mention me on her blog...Cuz she has the bestest blog in all the land!!! OH OH OH!!! And she's boooootyful, and she makes me laugh, and gives me tingles with her vocab....Yes, that was my attempt at gratuitous compliment-y stuff.
Listening To: Beach Boys - Don't Worry Baby
I had every intention of getting on here and blogging about getting my nails done, and the lingerie models parading down the street, and how much I hate traffic, and how bad the litter box smells at the moment...but then I sign on Blogger, and the whole interface thingie is changed!!! At it looks pretty!!! Tons of new buttons and gadgets...I must explore this new found contraption....I shall return....
Listening To: Dre ft/ Snoop - Ain't Nothing But A G Thing
Don't Make Me Come In There!
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
Listening To: Dre - Keep Their Heads Ringin
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
My back hurts sooooo bad right now, so I was thinking if there is anyone out there who can do Sub Zero's fatality move, feel free to rip my spine out through my head hole...I would appreciate it, and I promise not to make too big of a mess on the carpet when I fall into a lifeless pile of spine goo. Thanks much in advance.
I fell off the wagon and hurt my ego
Yup I did. Three weeks dry and in a moment of weakness and frustration last night, I dipped into the hooch. Lemme tell ya, drinking is not all I had it pegged for. I only had four drinks...which to some may seem like alot, but I was the girl who could polish off a fifth of Vodka in a matter of hours, by herself, just a mere three weeks ago. So four drinks is really nothing for me. However, after not drinking in a month, four drinks knocked me on my ass. HARD.
I had forgotten how gooooood hangovers feel. No really. I love em to pieces! That feeling like petrified buttsteak feeling. You know the one. My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my stomach is on fire, my ass hurts (and no, I don't know why), my back hurts, the thought of food makes my intestines revolt, I'm too hot, I'm too cold, my toenail polish is now chipped, and I have split ends.
As of today, I'm hopping back on that wagon, and staking my claim on some land in Sobrietyville. Bah...alkimahol can kiss my lilly white ass.
Listening To: Tonic - If You Could Only See
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Just a quick note to let you all know that my computer is dying a slooooooow death. So if you see no posts from me for awhile, and suddenly, you know why....It's actually been doing this for about nine months now, and honestly I'm just too lazy to buy a new comp. Yes, I back up my files...yes, I have duplicates of everything important on the comp...what I do not have is the patience to go and stand in a Suckit City and try to buy a comp in my price range, that won't crap out in a year, like this friggin Compaq did. I will never ever ever in all my days on earth buy another Compaq computer. This thing could suck start a Buick...it's just that bad. The computer we had before this was from a VERY small company that doesn't even exsist anymore, and yet we made the thing work by upgrading the system every year, general upkeep...You can't do that with Compaq. We've put two new hard drives in this bitch in the last year....both great hard drives...the compaq just regurgitated them in an act of rebellion.
Now it's to the point where I'm playing Craps with the fucker every time I try and boot her up....OOOOOOH Blue Screen of Death...roll again...OOOOOOH 7-11, you made it....OOOOOOH Snake Eyes, please see tech support for further assistance. Fuckin computer.
Next time, I buy foreign.
Listening To: BB King - The Thrill Is Gone
Today's Horoscope for July 13 2004
You're the recipient of the attention of at least two wonderful admirers, both of whom you'll enjoy immensely. How terrible! Don't expect anyone to be too sympathetic about this plight.
Mmmmmk...So where are you two?? ADMIRE ME DAMNIT!!!
Listening To: Dre Ft/ Snoop - Still D.R.E.
Who me? A tease? Brother, please...
Let me ask ya something...Is there anything cuter than a brunette mamacita dancing around the kitchen in her Wonder Woman T-Shirt, singing this song??? I didn't think so either...Back to the kitchen with me...
...You're just having bad memories
About some skeeze who did the squeeze
And had you on your hands and knees
Look, I am telling you straight out
That's not what I'm all about
I'd just be playing myself out
If I spent the night at your house
Now don't get me wrong
I didn't mean to turn you on
We haven't known each other long
But this is my life not just a song...
Monday, July 12, 2004
Please Don't Climb The Rusticles
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G day yesterday. One of the best days I've had in a loooooong time. It was one of those days where nothing can go wrong. Lots of fun was had, lots of mischief was gotten into and all without the aid of alcohol. It's still amazing to me when I look back at my life over the last year and realize what a big pile of mess I was. The abusive way I treated people who cared about me, the substances I consumed. I was a different person then, and I'm liking the person I am, again. And it's been awhile since I've really LIKED myself.
I spent the day with Mr. Zed. There has been alot of problems with our relationship in the past, but I feel now like it's really important that we make things right, and for the first time in what seems like an eternity, I'm enjoying spending time with him again. He's changed as much as I have, and it's healthy to be friends with someone you live with...at least that's what Dr. Phil said. So anyway we spent the day at OMSI, the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry. They have an awesome Titanic exhibit right now, and we spent a good two hours going through that. The funniest part was seeing the sign that proclaimed in big red bold letters, PLEASE DON'T CLIMB THE RUSTICLES! Seeing all the artifacts that they've brought up from the wreck was way groovy. They have managed to retrieve things from the bottom of the ocean, 80 some years later in near perfect condition. Champagne bottles still filled with Champagne, plates, cups all with minimal chips/dents/scratches. I've always been fascinated with the Titanic, I bought the game when it came out, I have some of the Discovery Channel specials on tape...yup I am a geek.
In between seeing the actual exhibit, we saw the IMAX Titanica movie. Seeing a movie in that theater is always a treat. It's a 75 foot screen that is domed, so it feels like you are in the movie. I always end up getting a little motion sick in there but a little 7-up afterwards and I'm good as new. We also saw a Planetarium show about the NW Skys, which wasn't done very well, and the announcer guy sounded like he had tipped a few back before he got in front of the mic. Whatever, it was still relaxing.
After all that, we ended up down in NE Portland, the hood, and saw the neighborhood crack dealer selling a tray full of bobblehead dogs. We tried to catch him, but he was gone by the time we got around to him. I soooo wanted one of the crackish bobbleheads. Maybe next time. We rented the movie Monster, which was awesome, I'll put a review up on the other site maybe later, and played PS2 until about 1:30 in the morning when I passed out.
All in all, it was an awesome day. And a day that I've been needing for a long time....this doesn't sound very exciting, having read it over, and I did promise an exciting funny filled post today...ok here's your excitement...Today, I went grocery shopping and I found microwave popcorn on sale 2 for $2!!! That's exciting, right?!?!?! And for your funny, a poem containing the word Timbuktu....
Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three,
and we was two
So I bucked one,
Listening To: Dr Dre - Dre Day
Sunday, July 11, 2004
What a Day!
I had an amazing day today, and it's still going, so I can't spend too much time blogging about it now...but rest assured, you'll have a good post coming tomorrow. Feel free to keep the comments coming for the Fat Bottomed Girls post below...Happy Sunday!
Listening To: Toto - I'll Be Over You
Fat Bottomed Girls...They Make the World Go Round
Ok, I was just having a convo with a male friend of mine, and he was talking about how most men, including himself, would rather have a skinny woman (think Calista Flockhart, this is his ideal woman) as opposed to a woman who was say, more built (think Salma Hayek). I told him he was full of shit.
I really have never seen the attraction to uber-thin waifish types of women. I would be afraid of getting stabbed by a rib, or breaking them in the sack. I'm bisexual, and I know that personally, I would much rather have a Kate Winslet type over a Kate Moss type any old day of the week.
So tell me men, and women too...which do you find sexier...Thin supermodel types...or real curvy women. Leave your responses in the comments section, and don't forget to tell me who you are in the body of your comment.
Listening To: Barry White - Can't Get Enough Of Your Love Baby
Saturday, July 10, 2004
I've Gone To My Happy Place
Ok I've managed to calm down now...this Blogger thing really pisses me off in a way that can only described accurately when one speaks in tongues. I got a tip from Casey, about using Trackback and Haloscan...I was just gonna move my comments over to Halo and avoid the whole must subscribe Bullpoo that Blogger seems to eat for every meal including Brunch. So I go sign up for the account, try and put the code on my page, and it will only put the comments at the TOP of the posts, and I can not for the friggin life of me figure out how to get it to show up at the bottom. Then when I feel like I'm finally making a wee bit o' progress, my Flinstones Compaq decides to take a righteous shit, and bombed...so I lost everything I had attempted to do. Soooo if anyone is willing to help me set that up, I would find some creative way to thank you!!! I still have all that candy, and lots and lots of free OPI Nail Polish samples!!! Puhhhhleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Also, I've determined what the nail in the head whistle from the other day is. It's a farking bird! Yes, I shit you not. I was sure it was some kid with a penis whistle...but nooooo it's a god damn bird. This bird has some serious issues. This is like the Mariah Carey of bird sounds. Warbled, and piercing...it makes Ms. Scary Carey sound in tune. I may hafta practice up on my slingshot aim...I can see that little fucker and if he doesn't shut the holy moses up...this Polly's gonna give him a cracker.
Listening To: Fabulous Ft/ Ashanti - Into You
Pant gasp pant gasp GAH!
Excuse me for just one brief second....
Ok I feel sooooo much better now. Rant to follow shortly.
Friday, July 09, 2004
We got places all over the place...
Good gravy this has been a boring day. Well maybe not so much boring as it was uneventful. The most exciting part of my day was going out to lunch with Mr. Zed. But that was at around 1 in the pm, and since then I've spent the afternoon, evening and now remaining night making up fliers for my friend Kristine's Salon, and doing up some spiffy new Biz cards for her to use....cuz her old ones were sooooo 2003.
I've also played much PS2...and the last two hours have been spent doing laundry, dishes, cleaning my kitchen and bathrooms, interspersed with reading a few new blogs...and that's really the reason for my boring ass posting at all. I wanted to share you my newest found blogs. I'm sure these will be part of my daily reading...so go pay them all a visit, and show them some lurrrrrve...
All I'm Saying - Casey from Idaho...go buy a watch.
Little, Yellow, Different - Ernie from California...A Web Developer for Yahoo!...and no it's not his fault.
GypsyGirl - Midwest gal...Good luck with the getting knocked up thang!
Bitch Has Word - This chica cracked me up...go laugh your little fruit of the looms off.
and last but certainly not least...
Geekward Ho - Refer to above....Dude cracked me up!!!
Listening To: Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance
Death, Distruction and Ninja Kids!!
Must kill, ha ha, ha ha! Death! Playground antics! Cake and cheese! Yes! you're an....Insane ninja child!
The blast must have hit you particularly strong, because you've gained a billion new superpowers and can take on anyone you want. Even that kid Gunrock-with-nine-arms from down the street. Only problem is, it's driven you completely insane and you now have a thirst for blood equalled only by your thirst for vengeance and peeing in the kitchen bin.
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse are You??
Listening To: T'Pau - Heart and Soul
Bitching and Hormoning
Question: I ordered a PMS Tracker two days ago, and it still hasn't been delivered!!! This is rediculous!!!
Answer: Well, it takes a couple days to process and two or three days to mail.
Question: Typical male. You just care about yourself. You don't care about me or my needs!
Answer: There was a two-day option on the shipping cart. You could have...
Question: *crying* I'm sorry. It's just that I came home to a messy house *sob*, I'm tired and bloated *sob*, and I was really looking forward to getting a new package.
Answer: You know what? Maybe I'll have em send along some chocolate with it. It sounds like you're in desperate need.
Question: *raging* Are you calling me fat?!?!?! Apparently, you think I need chocolate to stuff my fat face!!!
Answer: Actually, I think you're in the rage phase of PMS. You're trying to pick a fight.
Question: No, all I need is the goddamn PMS Tracker that I ordered two days ago!
Answer: We men should be so sensitive to the plight of women that we should be able to sense who needs one and send it automatically, before they even ask for it.
NOW WE'RE TALKING!
*This post has been brought to you by the Smart-ass Raging Homone Society*
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
It Get's Worse!!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Friggin A I love Oregon...we get freaked anytime one of our coffee shops get's flooded, or for the love of Allah, the Birds come....BWAHAHAHAHAHAA. Sweet holy hell I may need sleep....
Listening To: Babyface - It's No Crime
Cuz we're a bunch of Fun-gi's
Imagine my surprise to find my teeny tiny state mentioned by Dave Barry...but I did, and I explored...and I laughed myself into a small fit....just a small one though...
Listening To: Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day
Because I said So...
I just read this at another blog, and then my computer crashed so I can't link the right place...but it reminded me of my Psychology final my Junior year in High School. My professor, Mr. Wilson, gave us a big piece of white paper, with one question on it...It said:
Most of my classmates went into great detail of why and how the universe was created, why we exsisted at all, why the world was in the state it was at the time. I sat there for almost the entire exam time, trying and trying to think of an appropriate answer. Finally, in exasperation, I simply wrote down....
Said fuck it to myself, turned in my paper, and left. I got the only A in the class for the final....This brought back memories, and I admire ballsy thinkers like this person.
"The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year, '...that it will be a cold dday in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."
The student received the only "A" given."
It's entirely possible this is just a joke...but it still brought back memories of high school...and my superior intellegence....that or the last Vodka Tonic is really making me go insane...either way.
Listening To: Digital Underground - Freaks of the Industry
And?? Your Momma Dresses You Funny
I took the personality quiz I've been seeing everywhere (Jewdez, Yvonne, Joelle's Mikey...check the blogroll) anywho...this is what it told me...
You are a WEDL--Wacky Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you an anarchist. You don't give a damn. When push comes to shove, you just forget about it--it's just not worth the heartache. What this means for others is that dealing with you can be aggravating, because they find they can't get you motivated about things they care about. What this means for you is that you are happier, calmer, and saner then they are on their best days.
You are near-immune to criticism, and those who know you well acknowledge and respect that. You may come across as lazy, but the truth is that you find little to get worked up about. Regardless, you have slews of friends, because they are fascinated by your world view, jealous of your lifestyle, and drawn to the fact that you are hilarious to be around.
You are a pillar in a sea of hot-bloodedness. You have a sweet tooth.
Listening To: Tyler Collins - Girls Night Out
Driving Ms. Crazy
So, I'm going to the store on a Diet Coke run and I'm driving the speed limit of course, cuz the road out of my apartment complex is a major speed trap...there's like a 5-0 on every corner just hungry to meet their asshole quota. So, I'm driving along at 35, and I see in my rearview, an older camaro, bright as fuck blue, come speeding up on my tail at like 55....so I'm thinking what a stupidass, and sure enough the owner get's pulled over...I see all this in my rearview. I go on my merry way, knowing in my own road rage satisfaction that the camaro driver deserved it for driving at the speed of hell through a well known speed trap.
I get my Diet Coke and on my way home I notice that the Camaro is still pulled over on the side of the road, only now there are like four patrol cars and one motorcycle copper surrounding it. So me, being my normal self, pull into the gas station across the street, so I can snoop, and get some gas...or something. I swear to almighty cheese, I almost peed myself a little when I got outta my car. The driver of the speedy indeedy camaro was a woman...an ELDERLY woman. She had to be at least...oh, let's say the age of Earth. This woman babysat Yoda for craps sake. But that's not the best part, this woman was wearing leather pants...LEATHER PANTS!!! OH OH OH! And she had fouler language than I do!!! You could hear her saying things like....You fucking cops are always stopping me!! and...I'm not a fucking old broad who won't kick your asses!!! I shit you not...the woman had to be senile. Maybe there is a new gang in my neighborhood...The Coots. Perhaps there is a whole group of these leather clad fiesty old bats just waiting for someone to make their day. Maybe instead of carrying gats and AK's, they carry rolling pins and a hefty dose of Coumadin laced with Nitro. One never knows in a city such as this one.
But, I so wished I had my camera for that one...The leather granny cussing the cops out. I friggin love my 'hood.
Listening To: Atlanta Rhythm Section - So Into You (shaddup)
Aunt Flow from Red China
Cuz I know your dying for an update (bite me)...I'm officially out of the PMS stage! So yay for you, I may not rip your colon out through your skull cave now...But Auntie Flow knocked on my door tonight. And she brought along her kids, Asshole and Bitchbreath, along with Uncle Crankypants, and Cousin Insomnia. Nothing like a good ol family reunion to get the hormones a'flowin.
Lots of fun has been had with good ol Flow. We consumed about 4.8 pounds of chocolate in the form of chocolate syrup and ice cream...sold seperately. Which I can already feel adding it's weight in gold to my hips. Why is it that a 4.8 pound chocolate stash will add 10.3 pounds onto my ass?? Thanks, Eve for that one, ya gluttonous bitch.
We have also tested the effectiveness of Tampax. I've determined that if my apartment ever floods, I can save the entire complex with a box of Tampax Super and a life-vest made of bitch. So good times there.
I'm off now to play Madden 2004 on the PS2 and remind myself why I hate football....meanwhile, my uterus...it doth spin.
Listening To: Ludacris ft/ a buncha whiney waste of space whores - What's Your Fantasy
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
And now for an impression...
I'd like to do a little impression of Cat...ready...here goes...
Cat: *lickin ass*lickin ass*lickin ass*lickin ass*lickin ass*lickin ass*....
(cat then suddenly jumps 10 feet in the air for no apparent reason)
Cat: DUDE!!! Who licked my ass...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! The big dumb, lump o'cat scared himself lickin his own ass...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Ok I'm done now.
Listening To: Coolio - Fantastic Voyage
Excuse me for a moment
Dear Assjacker with the whistle,
Please stop making that bird caught in a jet engine sound with your piercing nail in the head whistle. It's making me cranky. I'm on the rag. Taking into consideration these two factors, don't be surprised when I take that whistle and shove it so far up your ass you'll be farting the flight of the bumble bee for weeks to come.
Ahh Sweet Memories: The Meme
Found this over at One Lazy Blonde....
Ahh Sweet Memories: The Meme
Tell one memory from each grade.
Wearing Frilly Dresses EVERY DAY! I used to be girly...weird huh.
My mother forgetting about me at school, having to wait almost an hour for her, then when she got there I kicked her in the shins with my paton leather shoes.
My teacher was Mrs. Baird...Holding hands with Tim Herrera in the crayon box
My teacher was Ms. Edwards...watching a teacher in the next room get fired for hitting a kid.
My teacher was Mr. Smith....Making a HUGE paper mache dinosaur for a class science project.
My teacher was Mrs. Mullay...I don't remember much from this year.
My teacher was Mrs. Neyman...writing a story that won first place in the city wide writing competition and getting my name in the paper.
My teacher was Mrs. Duncanson...She had a HUGE collection of penguins in the classroom.
Having my first real heart-busting crush on Matt Palaness....sighhh he was dreamy.
Skipping school for the first time With Mercedes Samone, and being found at the Dairy Queen by my dad.
I was pretty messed up this year...Freshman year is kind of a haze.
Winning third all state in speech/debate...making varsity softball team.
Didn't have a Senior year...I graduated as a junior.
==SCHOOL AFTER HIGH SCHOOL==
I had one professor at the tech school I attended that we discovered wasn't a teacher at all, was using fake ID's to get hired, and had like three warrants out for her arrest....heh.
==DESCRIBE TWO MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY PARTIES OF YOURS==
Ninth...my first HUGE slumber party
That's really the only party that stands out for me.
==DESCRIBE GETTING YOUR DRIVERS’ LICENSE==
I studied my ass off and got it the day I turned 16.
==EVER DONE ANYTHING CRAZY TO GET YOUR CRUSH’S ATTENTION? IF SO, WHAT?==
Not really any that deserve mentioning.
==DESCRIBE A FUN VACATION YOU’VE TAKEN==
All the family vacations I took as a kid before my parents got divorced...the one that stands out the most would probably be DisneyLand when I was six.
==WHAT CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?==
Oregon: Hermiston, Umatilla, Irrigon, Portland, Gresham, Beaverton
Idaho: Caldwell, Nampa, Boise
Colorado: Colorado Springs
==HOW DID YOU MEET ALL YOUR FRIENDS?==
Pretty much all the friends I have now are life-long friends.
Speech/Debate, Basketball, Softball.
Elvis and Presely the two mutt dogs...Milo, Socks, Roni all cats....the psycho hamsters I had that killed each other one night when we were all asleep.
Matt Palaness - behind the 7-11 in seventh grade.
Matt P was my crush for a couple years starting in seventh grade...and JP was my first 'kid' crush in the sixth grade....I remember him telling my friend Joanna that he thought I was pretty but he was waiting for a girl that looked like Samantha Fox...lol.
Too many to count through high school
Listening To: Unit 4+2 - Concrete and Clay
Thanks so much to Mr. Chumbucket for bringing it to my attention that Blogger makes people register before they leave comments. How very nice of Blogger for doing that....This would explain why people have been emailing me rather than just leaving comments. Heh. I'm in the process of trying to find my way around that one. I think I have my stuff configured so you don't hafta register before commenting, but if it turns out that you still do, just tell me who you are in the comment body itself.
I didn't wanna hafta pay for webspace right away, until I figured out if this Blogging thing was really something I wanted to commit too....but I've already met a ton of great people, and I'm thinking I'll be around for a while.
Anyone know of a good, cheap or free Bloghosting service to use?? Preferably, something that doesn't require a lot of programing knowledge on my part....I have forgotten most of what I knew, and I'm too damn lazy to relearn it all again right now. Eh. Thanks in advance!
Listening To: Ash - Girl From Mars
Monday, July 05, 2004
You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start cryin'.
Holidays with my family are always an interesting turn of events. It usually consists of my father, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin and his psycho fiance, and Big Gay Tommy and his special friend. Someone always gets super drunk, someone always get's their feelings hurt, someone always winds up pouting off in a corner, two of us always have a fight and inevitebly, Big Gay Tommy will wind up in a pile of shit out in the front yard.
This year was no different, except I can't regale you with tales of the gay Tommy...he didn't wanna drive over. This year was the first fourth in a long time when I remained completely sober throughout, and I really a got a full dose of your-family-is-fucked-up reality. We make the Griswalds look like the Waltons. My aunt drank two huge bottles of vino, and started celebrating the fireworks before we even started setting them off. Wooping and YAYing the explosions about three hours too early.
My dad was the grump, per usual. And eventually dug into the vino himself, and I haven't seen him drink in about six years.
My uncle was the guy with the big slutty asian girlfriend...and drank about 238943729 Coors in the fraction of an hour. This made for an interesting conversation about Las Vegas and the card game called Gay. His asian girlfriend did make the worlds best eggrolls though, so we accepted her into the warped clan we call family.
My cousin the elusive 18 year old high school drop out and his equally retarded fiance came and as usual he ended up having a big ol fight with his dad, and spending the remainder of the night in the living room watching ESPN and pouting, while Porche, his woman, tried to make nice-nice with me. Blah.
Aside from getting stuck in traffic coming home at 11:30 at night, it was a typical holiday with my fam...now I just gotta start the countdown to my birthday...August 20th for those of you keeping track.
I also wanted to remind all you lurkers here to leave me comments!!! Do it!!! How else can I show you lots of mushy, squishy love if you don't let me know who you are!!! While your at it, take a looky-loo at my blogroll and visit some of the bloggy goodness I visit daily...I do like to spread the love. Now click the comments link and love me back.
Listening To: Silk - Check Your Friend
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Fourth of July Randomness
I found some nifty Fourth facts...see you really can learn stuff from Zed.
1. Independence Day commemorates the formal adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. However, it was not declared a legal holiday until 1941.
2. Fireworks were made in China as early as the 11th century. The Chinese used their pyrotechnic mixtures for war rockets and explosives.
3. Uncle Sam was first popularized during the War of 1812, when the term appeared on supply containers. Believe it or not, the U. S. Congress didn't adopt him as a national symbol until 1961.
4. There are many precise rules for taking care of the American flag....and contrary to legend, historical research has failed to confirm that Betsy Ross sewed the first flag.
5. The first two versions of the Liberty Bell were defective and had to be melted down and recast. The third version rang every Fourth of July from 1778 to 1835, when, according to tradition, it cracked as it was being tolled for the death of Chief Justice John Marshall.
6. The American national anthem, the "Star-Spangled Banner," is set to the tune of an English drinking song ("To Anacreon in Heaven").
7. The patriotic poem "America the Beautiful" was published on July 4, 1895 by Wellesley College professor Katharine Lee Bates.
8. Father of the country and architect of independence George Washington held his first public office at the tender age of 17. He continued in public service until his death in 1799.
Now for some fourth music (I can't upload music on Blogger, so I've given you the links to the Launch song click to hear the musical goodness)
NRBQ - Fireworks
Shonen Knife - Explosion
Innocence Mission - July
Three Dog Night - Celebrate
The Church - Summer
Listening To: Bone Thugs Ft/ Tupac - Thug Luv
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Porn Stars Like Fireworks!
Here's a little list for all you in need of some partiotic porn for the fourth...nothing says independence day like a little self love. I have entirely too much time on my hands...
One if By Land, Two if Bisexual
The Boston Tea Orgy
The British Are Coming! The British Are Coming!
Martha Visits the Washington Monument
Don't Shoot Until You See the Whites of Their Thighs
Stripes and Stars and a Swede Names Lars
Uncle Sam's Giant Musket
Betsy Ross Meets Frank Gifford
Give Me Lesbians or Give Me Death
Listening To: Veruca Salt - Seether
Fuckin White Trash
I'm sooo pissed off right now. The stray cat I brought home a couple of days ago...here's the update. I took her to the vet today, because of the way she's been treated since birth, she has internal bleeding from all the excessive fleas, which I got Advantage for, she probably has an eye and ear infection from being bit inside...the poor little thing is dieing.
Well, I just got a knock at my door from the bitch who owned her. She wanted her back, and said give her to me. I said, uhhhh look lady, I just spent $100 at the vet for the cat that you weren't taking care of. The kitten is going to die. To which White Trash Shannon says, well it was your decision to take her to the vet and get attached to her after one day.
Uhhhhh right, so I shoulda just not given a shit and let the poor little thing die, like she was doing...why didn't I think of that. So anyway, now I'm just gonna give the bitch $30 for the kitten, which makes this stray cost as much as my cat I got through the humane society. But she's worth it, and I love her as much as I love my other animals.
GAH! People that don't take care of their animals just piss me off to no fuckin end...I'm going to calm down now, and love on my kitties.
Okey dokey doggie daddy
I had the strangest dream last night, and it's really rare when I even remember my dreams. For the most part I remember the ones that make me wake up and go...HUH?!? Anyway, it went something like this...
I was in this little group of my friends from High School, people I haven't seen in 10 years...and we are like this sex obsessed group of hobags. But we all have a sexual super power that we use to seduce, overpower, and kill our enemies. Mine was the power of felatio...uh huh. One girl had the power of doggie style...one girl had the power of stripping, and the other girl I don't remember. So anyway, we would persuade our enemies, the bad guys, into our sex lair, and kill them in imaginative ways using our sexual prowess.
For every bad guy we offed, we'd get these little 'free sex' coupons that we could give to anybody we wanted, and I kept giving mine to other woman. Only, I had would only have relations with these other women in a classroom sitch, where I was instructing other men on how to please a woman correctly. Heh.
Then the dream suddenly warped into us fighting spider-man, and him putting asbestos in his web shooter thingie to try and defeat us, and that's when I woke up.
Basically, it left me with the waking impression that I either need serious psych help, or I REALLY need to get a piece.
Listening To: Aretha Franklin - I Never Loved A Man
Friday, July 02, 2004
Kerry.com in 2004
I think we are officially in the tech age. I was a little surprised by Kerry's decision on how he's going to announce his running mate...
CLOQUET, Minn. - Democrat John Kerry plans to announce his vice presidential running mate in an e-mail to the 1 million subscribers to his campaign Web site.
I'm wondering if this is Kerry's way of 'getting in touch' with us younger voters? That would be my guess anyway, seeing as the majority of people online are in the Gen-X/Y grouping. If Clinton can go on Mtv and play the sax, I spose it's fair game for Kerry to do his thang in email.
Listening To: Usher - Confession Part Dos
I'm OD'ing on Midol at the moment, and I think it's helping my mood. I don't feel like shoving my foot up anyone's ass anymore, and I think my BP is back with in living limits. I seriously hate this time of the month. Not cuz of the whole bleeding constantly for a week, but because I'm already an unstable person. Not like postal unstable, but just in the way that I have a hard time with mood swings. And during that hell week, it's too the extreme. I really feel sorry for everyone around me.
I also just gave the new kitten her flea treatment, just in case. Good God Damn that shit smells like nuclear winter. There is this green cloud following her around. I also just noticed it said do not use on cats under 12 weeks, so hopefully she doesn't keel over. Heh.
Listening To: Bone Thugs - Crossroads
The Godfather died today at the age of 80.
My last post isn't showing up....this is just a test.
Blogger keeps messing with my coding stuff, so not all the info in my sidebar is showing up, and I just realized that the freakin tagboard is loading a popup, so that'll prolly get the boot.
In other news...I'm PMS'n like a motherfather! The thought of anyone talking, looking, touching or even thinking about me is pissing me off. So yay for that. It's just like my friggin rebelious ovaries to start the bleed during a holiday weekend. BBQ's, Fireworks and Tampons for everybody...Hooray!
Listening To: VonRay - Inside Out
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Conversations With Cat
The following is a transcript of a top secret convo I just had in Catonese with Cat. I've translated for you...
CAT: Meow Meow Meow (Listen woman we need to talk)
ME: Ok what's up Cat
CAT: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow (Well, really, I said nothing when you brought me home from the shelter into a house with a hamster, which you wouldn't let me eat...)
ME: And I thank you for that
CAT: Meow Meow (And I didn't do much when you brought home that damn horny rabbit that likes to play butt pirate with me on a nightly basis)
ME: Yeah, sorry bout that one
CAT: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow (Consider it forgotten.)
CAT: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow (No prob...but listen lady, this whole bringing a new cat into MY house...I don't like it. I liked it even less when you let the little pussy eat out of my garfield food bowl.)
ME: Well, Cat she was starving, and cold, and I couldn't let her suffer.
CAT: Meow!?!?!?! (So you'd rather I suffer with not being able to eat rodents, getting farked in the ass every night and having to share my favorite food bowl!?!?!?!)
CAT: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow (Fine, but the first time you bring a dog into this house, I'm walking.)
ME: You'll be back. I have your cat nip stash.
CAT: Meow (Bitch)
Yup, time to find a new hobby.
Ok, I surrender
I got my nails done and had a pedicure today. I needed a little refresher course in beautification. I'm all patriotic for the fourth. When I got home I walked to the quickie mart for a hernia sized big gulp, and on the way home, I was approached by the saddest looking kitten I've ever seen. She came meowin up to me, and immediately sat on my foot, and started purring. She was soooo thin, you could see every bone in her little weeks old body. I sat on the grass and rubbed her back and scratched her behind her ears....I fell in love.
Of course I brought her home, gave her a bath, fed her some of Cat's food and gave her some kitten milk. She ate like she hasn't had a bite in days. She's currently hiding under my chair, while Cat keeps a close eye on the newcomer. I don't know if I can keep her, but I couldn't just leave her out there, starving and scared. I may take her to the humane society tomorrow...unless of course I fall even more in love with her through the night.
Listening To: Amerie - I'm Coming Out